Sunday, August 31, 2008

I Could Sleep

i could sleep, i could sleep.

when i lived alone , is their a ghost in my house.

ok so seattle trip. done. many things happened. many funny things, mnay awsome things, some bad things. but good. i think your testing me. i think your testing me alot. and yes i would have gone and closed your sun roof if you really wanted me too. i wasent joking. i havent been able to do something in days. i havent slept well in a long wake me up when you roll around. or when you are holing my back and move your hand up start rubbing and say sweet. or have conversation with me as im not talking.

Saturday, August 30, 2008


i think i might have jynixed myself.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Yes brittany it is what you saw

last night was very suprising, and i was pinned. i dont think sandy coud flush the toilet anymore, its very clogged. sigh. his shit clogged the toliet. i was holing hands last night, and im not going to ie it felt pretty good, i just cant tell you whats going to happen in life, might work, might not. i cant tell. and i dont think i am going to feel anygood tongiht after that rubber chicken

Thursday, August 28, 2008

shake a fist

this isnt what i imagined happening, i cant help but feel like im in the centert of alot of things, im angry at michelle what a fuckign bitch, im so done and i think its been liek a week, im cutting you off as of now. fuck your sucvh a bitch. your phone is slow nad im exausted. i cant see what will happen

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

You fucked Everything up

i think its pretty simple, you want me or you dont. at least if your going to comesleepever and say alot of stuff you dont mean, say goodbye.

now im stuck, and their ist goig to be anygetting away with it

were you lying intirly

and also somepeople need to stop being assholes in general or im gonna flip out and ruin your life!

Monday, August 25, 2008

i wish i could understand islandic and your mumbled words

ive been working alot and at alot of random times. too little sleep makes me crazy. i hate stress. were watching pride and predjusice on coreys room. lifes so complicated. i had fun last night, you found my weakness, tickling. i think you were doing it for a long time, and somehow i got pinned. and almost kneed you in the face bunch of times. its the first time its happened and you havent been intoixicated. even thoguh the distance after like ushual, i just think somepeople like to wake up alone, my phone ruined it. i was worried for a while that i was keeping it their. im happy with life and how it seemsto be going, even though i feel very sick. you shouldnt keep me up all night alot, its unhealthyy, i cant write everything here. but things are simply very complicated and for once i felt like this morning that i was cofertable. i didnt even wear a sweater.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

every one assumes, you cant change that. im sort of scarred from wat certian things hae been typed. i hope its not the worst, im telling muchelle we dont need internet, i cant afford to pay for extra shit we can have for free, shes just not smart enough to ask what network we are on, the unlocked one changed, so she figured they locked us out, ohh assuming.. amanadas right here. tom said soemthing really mean last night, and im trying too beat this hangover buiness. ughhhhhh work, soo much to do for nothing. llololololoolololo 8 plus 8 plus 6 times 9= 198!! which works plus 200 equals 398 mius gas, and minues rent stuff and mius fun stuff money!! hahahahahhaha fuck im screwed, but not really. that blue thing revented the toliet from flushing for forever, good thing i can figure logicak things out. wed make the perfect amazing race team for real. corona comes to our home tonight. as much as i like that shes all like harsh rules and shit. imma party wheever i want, no patrys bithes just keep the music under 15 after 12!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

yes ive been crying over a stuffed animal

this is sthe biggest deal every and i feel like a big nerd. WHERE THE FUCK IS ELMO. NO JOKE where is he. im scarred where did he go. did i pack him? i put him in a box at the bottem i remeber that, but i unpacked him maybe? IM going to fucking freak out. i live under a fuckign kitchen. im tired and sick, you know i dont do that to you. you were right ehrn you said those hurtfull things. where did your passion go? becuase i dont see it anymore. im looseing you.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

last night, im here again. tomorow is a start of something compleetly new. i lust spent the last 3 hours in the yard painting. i have so much paint on my legs, and i have to finsh my packing tonight, just the little stuff is left. which i think is the very worse. i guess im a bad friend, or it seems like. i just dont know. i slept in just like you said this morning. funny how those things work out. i know, you know, you cant hide it. i think that saying alone can be meant in many ways. im so nervous about living with michelle, i dont want to be trapped alone with her. Bob offered me a job today, he sadi soemthign abotu me being in the retainor, and then i wouldnt get paid alot but i would get paid. which is swet becuase its work i would do for free anyways. things are just complicated

Monday, August 18, 2008

im being hurt here. so much stress for something, and im mad. im mad about so many things. people cant just tell me things, they have to go threw other people, even after i do so much for them. fuck it makes me want to be selfish all the fucking time. FUCKKKK im so fucked and fuck . fucking michelle and fucking life, fuck you. fuck grwoing up nd fuck you for not telling me. whatever ill see you on the 28th then when we leave.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

fuck you.

All around me

somehow i feel like i crossed the line with telling. heres the deal, i just had to, i needed someone to understand. last night i went to sams for for a while. and i came home and watched the olympics with stuart. that big mess still confuses me. and i think kevynn knew what i meant. i didnt want to hurt you. i really have to quit on my last day tommorow its not a choice. i have to be working in an hour and im not stoaked. im worried. why dont you care about me. why do i get no notification. its hard to deal when you say one thing but do another. ive got sleepy eyes, and im thirsty. i wonder how bad today will be at work. i cant play these games forever, the worst part is these games arent even from the person you'd expect, listen to all around me

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The thing is im so happy for the right reason

for real im so glad. you get to this point with a person, and its like idk, ive had it happen before, but like not so clear. i finally get it i think, i think i was just looking for something in nothing. and it dosent matter. i tottaly cant belvei i did that too, so embarrisng but its just life. ive never had that type of conversation with you for an exteneded ammount of time, but fuck as hell i need to go to bed, i have to be at woek im like 9 hours. dang, whatever i get it i think. and im happy, very happy.not nessicaly what i wanted but i cant change it, so i better be happy

Thursday, August 14, 2008

i cant explian what i dont know

fuck it. for real. happening or not im cool, dude i have so much left to pack. i not stoaked on going back to work but i need money. i feel so sick its not cool. so what. ugh my hair is all curley. i need to fix that, maybe after i go outside and paint, i need to get some brown paint too, to drag on it. nothing interesting has happend other than learning new drinking games and retarded pictures, well for e at least not now. i should get up and do something but today seems to be like a bed day where i stay in bed all day , and watch movies and things like that. oh man, time to come. im ready. i want new clothes. alot.

who will drive my soul

its three thirty and im in amandas bed writitng this, amanda your passed out on the coutch, i wen to the bathroom and came in here, sam and your borhter are talking and im not into it. im not drunk anymore. its like 3:30 lol and i dont think ill sleep tonight. pack up im straight. im confused as hell. i dont know whats dwon from up and i dont want to be wrong, that would hurt alot more. i dont know where you went. we dont talk, obvs im talking about a bunch of diffrent people and things here but how could you judt let me flow. i dont think i understand, ive got gatuir hero hands and my wrist is sore, im drunk like everyother night. my body is really long lol ive noticed. im tall and its long i can hear you guys commingor sam. shes still very drunk lol. y lifes too complicatwes already i just nee dto knowm, i doubt i will ever know. and this was just liek a touch of what i could feel, a teaster plate. i hate a shy bitch, lil wane oh shit i love a milli

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

i dont know why i came here tonight

that misutio bite on the top of my knee got ripped of, i finished the dresser today. ive got so much to do in 2 days yet i dont do stuff, i packed a large wopping total of 2 boxes today. at least i applyied for new jobs. the funny part of this whole deal i think is that im moving on the 15th but i come home on the 16th during the day to go to work, and then i stay home till like the 23rd. with no bed. im going to have to find that air matres. i burned my toung on something today and then again on those turn overs so its very burned and i hate the texture of a burned one. the usa is dominating in the swimmming olypmics im watching right now. im trying so hard to keep my head n stright and keep ittoned down but then when i get funny things or just talk it comes back. my knee seriously burns, i think it becuase the skin is gone.

Monday, August 11, 2008

you tell me

ive been drunk every other night for weeks and its draining. i mean yes i love being fun but i need a break. today i went to bed at about 2 am at amandas house and slept with dayton and shylo, till 3 when i got up for an hour and went back to bed at 4 till 6. not much sleep, i was coming home in my car and i decided to drive back to Aldergrove and get cheap gas. 133.9 suckas. i want to sit in an blanket this morning and watch a good movie becuase im not going to bed. then i get to go to the store and buy paint and tape and boxes and paint my furniture that i also have to sand with the power sander. my mom just woke up and asked me when i got home, and the truth is like twenty minutes ago. i listened to led zepplin last night, oh and did i mention amanda hibbs was at amandas house and we drank with her and glen and jordan and tyler. lifes werid that way. i hate native tv. its not racist becuase i am native. its annoying and my mom always wants to watch it. some kid made a domono thing that was the sinking of the titanic. its sunny. im in the part inbewteen hungover ans drunk. but not drunk. its cold with no pants.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

two in one day i must have been at home

like as much as i think, i look and i think how. like how. thats a huge question. and if your going to read this sandy fine. whatever. i dont know what to think. and i dont want to get tangled. i have to move in 7 days and i did a bit of packing today. i get told these things but i cant help but think is it just becuase their isnt anything else to say. yes sometimes im cute but other times im horribly unatraccive. i found the somber part inside.the one that questions everything 5 times over. i need to stop, i need to stop alot of things. my eyes are tired.

i will break into your thoughts

i dont sleep alot, we saw tom hoffman last night for a while and i ate a hot
Mc chicken when i was drunk, it made me less drunk, which i was very happy for because Amanda was bullying me to be funny. i can take it. my phone is very full of alot of text messaes from one person.if i dont plan out things they seem to get better also if im not a bitch it seems to be a better thing. i have to get ready for brunch soon. the one that was suposed ot be just me and my grandma, now is our whole family and my grandma. i cant say im impressed. im always smoother when im a little bit drunk.

Friday, August 8, 2008

taken untill your done

i cant compute this is a bad cycle

tonight is rebeccas back yeard party thing im going with amanda, it will be werd seeing a bunch of tools from highschool i barley got allong with, oh well they say drunk sydney is more charming then a sober one. haha dang.

just dont if your not going to is all i have to say

Thursday, August 7, 2008


i cant write anything i want to here right now, and ive got so much so say i wish you didnt read this then it could be real, i just want to get this out!!1

Monday, August 4, 2008

oh tulameen days 2008

* Note this was written over a few days and i didnt filter, well beuase then it wouldnt be real, dont be mad, accept me*

sing it loud

ok so wow, i've never had a more random night of drunken fumbling and new friends. i went to colmont last night to meet missy and on the way we ran into Sam j from ridge. so random, so after one drink were on our way to the outhouse, and Sam's their and picks us up on a quad and takes us to her camp site. where my sex was questioned at first by some tool, that i called a tool later on that night. so after a few awkward moments we went and got more booze and came back, but this time it had got-ten dark out and on our way back i twisted my ankle but it didn't hurt so bad. once we ventured back it was more chill and after some loud music and a bunch of booze i was drunk, missy was drunk and everyone was plastered. i met a lot of new people from all over the camp site, missy held hands with some guy named Jeff for the last while. i had to venture in the dark all alone back to our site to get pants and more booze at 2:30 and got a flashlight. im going back tonight but oh my lord i think were going to get more plastered than before. i drank almost that whole Mickey to my self, and didn't puke at all, after a while the vodka just tasted like water. that's sick. Sam j known as rambo popped in and out all night and their is this make shift hot tub i was told we all had to go into tonight. oh Mann. you should have been their. i missed my cuddle buddies
oh missy, fuck my x boyfriend and your Sony erricson phone. im tired as hell and have a hella hangover, only cure is more booze.

i cant contemplate my feelings about this i need a break.

i dont know what's going on and i need to figure it out soon, i need something something that isn't this.

let me go like i let you

i need to figure this out

fucked up day two

im done camping, i drank way too much last night. somehow after a trip to the bathroom i ended up face down in a pile of dirt. i puked all over the bottom of my jeans and got blood all over my shirt. i guess i had a nose bleed. i woke up in the morning with a nose full of dirt and blood. we partied with some delta rick kids, the preppy kind for a few hours and i smoked some prime times with Courney, that was after i was already high though. all the booze hit me at once and i couldn't get up i just remember missy and Jeff trying to take me back t missy's camp site. somehow i got changed and everything was ok, another adventure to add to the list. I've decided i cant call you mine since you dont call me yours. I've had a monster hangover for a few days and im so happy to be back at the cabin and clean. i like listening to J it makes things feel better. i was too drunk. and i felt bad missy had to take me back, oh well i get to be a drunk bitch some nights i guess. im just done thinking, if it happens it happens if not then fine ill be your best friend still. i cant worry about things i cant control right now, people are driving me nuts and i never get to be alone any more. and i hate baby's oh wow like i dont hate them but i hate looking after them i think that's the point in my life im at right now. oh well. i wonder how Nate is doing, i hate not having this whole internet deal, it sucks ass. i had a lot of blood on my shirt this morning.

its five thirty, im sick of having no where to sleep, and how its not arranged. im not coming back to this next year, i have to nap every day because i dont get enough sleep in other places. im so sick. im sick of this.

day 3
fuck i spent last night at home. im so sick of a FUCKING TENT. oh well everyone else is going home tonight, good, then ill leave in the morning, missy had to have changed my pants. my neck hurts alot from the dirt. and sleeping on it. i still dont feel good, idk soon. ive just stopped this weekend was too much to deal with.