long day, i could really go for that nutella i turned down today. i havent eaten in like 9 hours, becuase at dinner time i got an emergency text to go to the hospital from corey becuase she was in the er, thus for eliminating my homework. so i went to the hospital, they did test, and ruled out it might be a blood clot in her lung, so they are waiting overnight to do a ct scan in the morning and we should all know by then how it is going, after being their 3 hours i came back here got pj's, laptop movies snacks, etc for her went back dropped them off and stuck one of those hear monitor things on her forehead and called it her 3rd eye. anyways i havent eaten becuase well at that point i was just trying to relax her and now well its too late, mideaswell just wait till the morning. tomorow some time im going to pick her up from the hospital i think, well go get her car and then come home, then painting class, ughhhhhh my fucking life. idk long day tomorow and well just in general till thursday. then i find otu whats happening with my wisdom teeth, and also stuarts getting his out that day, handy bussiness. hell be cute with his puffy cheeks. tired tired, ohh and that hospitals elevator speaks, how fucking weird is that, i hate elevators to begin with nevermind ones that talk
studio, makes life easy, your in this little sound proof booth that is protecting you from everything you don't want to face. And i get to listen to music i choose. i wound up pissing myself off last night but looking at pictured of beth and i found some more of those pictures. i think the face that it bugs me bothers me more then the actual items themselves. people don't like surprise your eating food pictures ill tell you that much. I'm becoming pro at photo-shop for new media. fuck i cant even believe we only have two weeks left for projects they i have to write my massive ten page paper for sociology. it was warm enough even with the frost on my car to just wear a long-sleve shirt today
fucking work and school, i cant deal with it. its just so retarded and has been for the last month, my productivity has gone down i can say 80 percent from before. and school hell 2 weeks and i have two paintings and 3 protfolio pcieces due in one class and one huge final for new media. puls i have to get all my shit online. soon it will be over an i can pretend to work more and make more money or i can actually get into everyones fav studio and do some fucking work, so much for you cant help me mr recording the pening themes to movies for an hour. just fuck off, i guess ill learn eveyrthing my self and ammoy the hell out of you even more. im so done
i feel like these feelings ive been having all of a sudden fell apart tonight after i heard this girl yelling at her boyfriend in the bathroom tonight. do i ever want to commit to that. i know i'm having fun right now, but some of the things that happen drive me crazy. i know what i need i just don't like to do it. im pissed off that their is more then one person that can trump me. i mean you say im 2nd in this but really i hit a 3rd. sometimes i don't even ask anymore. this is never going to go away for me. i want to do it just to get your attention sometimes. i don't know why i even feel this way, weather its my intense hate for it, or my feeling of being used. i cant tell, and im not sure if i even want to. i feel so reasurred every time were together but i've noticed the little changes. its that look your giving that tells me exactly what your thinking and im not sure if this is working anymore.
i let certain things fall apart. i can see now that it assent on purpose but it just happened. i had to hit reality. i couldn't spend every night here anymore doing the things i used to. all those things i did and said. they wound up making me a part of me, but nothing ever stays the same forever. im happy where i am, and i wouldnt go back but that is what memories are for. its going to be a long afternoon lol. and i want to get stuart into real photography. it will happen lol
i want to go back home where the living is easy. i miss my parents but they drive me crazy and i know i couldnt go back their for a long long time. id rather live in langley and commute here, but its alot of time spent traveling and alot of gas. i just dont like being stuck here. im not stuck at all but i dont see the point in going back o langley just to come back here every morning and pay for this place. maybe corey will go to london sooner than later at at least ill me finishing my 3rd year. idk its werid entering 3rd year that ill still be 19 for a few weeks and ill be 21 when i graduate. im really sick. i threw up in the parking lot at school and i dont feel good at all. log day tomorow and i have to find something for kevynn. i just think i need sleep. shit on a biscut. i need to do part of the reading tomorow morning at least.
how did i get trapped into this lol. i guess im hanging out with larry for like 2 hours whooo for me. i realy think hes just super friendly, but their is some sort of weird factor. idk whatever random days
the way things go you get so low and struggle to find your skin. look out below becuase your prayers will never be answered again. my phone is dead what a surprise, its such a peice. im so tired. my mom called em at 8 05 and was like sydney why is their dead air. and that is when i realized i had never woken up to go to work. so i made it here at 8:30 in flipflops in an artic wind storm. fuck its cold outside. then their wad no parking near where i needed to be so i just paid the 3 50 to park in the lot. its going to be one of those days im sure. and ive got to leave class early to go to the dentist for a cleaning, hell im not stoaked. i had a dream that on friday night me amber brittany stuart chantelle john some other guys and kevynn went to this bowling alley that was like the size of an indoor water slide park, and i got lost in the green secion but they were in the red section it was that huge. and my phone died but i had facebook so i communicated with chantelle to where everyone was, but then people kept asking em howto get to everyone else but i was so lost alone in an arcade it want a good dream.
i love surprise tours, only not really. ugh im so tired and so sick of studying. in two days is my art history midterm and im pretty sure that im not going to do well. so much shit at work. im so tired i wish after this midterm it was all over but its not. i have 4 paintings due on the monday all of which should esimatly take about 20 hours at the most i hope. then i can colapse after that. i really would just skip my midterm if i could. rest is comming soon, sort of.
whats happening here. why don't i care. why do i forget. it makes no sense. i was so driven and im sure im going to start hating work. im so torn. i like structure and plans they help me in life. but you don't like them apparently at all. i cant read through your words. all i really wanted was to be happy and i got their i mastered it. who writes books about dysfuntional people that cant figure their own shit out. ill be your broken person. somehow its almost midnight and im not tired allover again.
and off a tottaly diffrent topic im so mad at you. you feel so loved when you send people text messages and never get responses. it really makes you not ever want to send them. or how about mail. you send someone mail but then they never send you anything but yet want you to send something else. im sick of being peoples dropp matt. fuck off ok. if you want people around in your life you need to make the effort or reply. thos dosent mean i dont want to be your friend one day but this excusive club youve made is limiting your own options, and i dont want to loose something while we arent talking. i find when it comes to you im the winner of cards i cant play. i was ready to come to you. i had all the money i had everything.