ive gien up on being mad about it. its not the way to live a life. its not what people say its what they do that shows how much they care. and i care alot. ive cared about all of you. ive cared alot, and its not about receving for me. id rather spend al my money on making other people happy, then saving it all for things for me. i love going to hte beach and sitting on the sand and getting wet and dirty in old clothes. i dont mind being poor but happy in this life. i want to learn how to sea cyacking this summer and go to a baseball game and go camping. people are perfect, and hell if im even close. ive got nothing but smiles for everything. sometimes im really afraid, that i dont know what im doing or where im going. if i talked about you now it would only give you the satisfaction. ill remeber these things. somehow when i die i want whoever it is to play in my life. i think it sums up me alot. i dont think its morbid thinking of wen you die, becuase see im not afraid to leave, but im afraid of being the one left behind. becuase im my life ive loved you more.