my light keeps doing strange things. i cant sleep but im so tired. im tired in alot of ways. im tired of trying. im tired of calling people tht sont call back, im tired of fending off hurt. im just tired of pulling strings. i cant say im not happy right now im just tired, i dont sleep enough well i work more than i get to sleep in a day. the other night was part of my movie, it was like idk perfect setting, like how no matter what happens for right now we can return to eachother. the more i come to one side i drift from another, im tired of singular friendships, and writing on cakes, and things never being good enough. maybe that horrible woman in the burgandy leather jacket was right, but not for the reason she had. fuck her stupd cards. i guess even under my happyness their is this upset thing i cant control. i hate her and her 8 am grocerys. ive been creeping and ive discovered an ugly truth about things i didnt know. i bet somewhere else their is someone to replace me on top friends eventually. im only somewhat cool untill you know what goes on underneath the surface i guess. the problem with this journal is that i feel invaded. their are a few thngs id like to put on here but regret to. its still the last, and i like the way my clothes smelt after they were on you. i guess im guilty of that. reality must be distorted. in other news.... i guess you didnt care as much as you said you did. thats a disapointing fact about life.