do you wonder

im so sick and tired of the same conversation over and over again. why do i get no repect at all, when you assume that you should be treated with so much, thats it from now on in, ok i have no respect for you or your nosie issues. so when i get up next saturday for work nice and early ill remeber to turn up the volume on the sterio in my room. or hey next time next weekend ill get up at 6 just for you and turn on music becuase i had things i needed to do, and somehow that requires loud music that wakes your from your sleep. i dont see why i have to keep having this its my house rule. well if its your house its my room, and you know what you've done it once and you'll do it all over again. your pushing me out that door with everything you have in you. this is so stupid. so i guess ill just stay in my room. the funny think about mom is that she thought maybe cable would help this out, but i hate my job and i hate living here with him. with you guys becyase you didnt ask him to turn it down. your going allong with the plan. sometimes i hate you both so much its not even funny. i just want to leave

warning sign

so i know the only thing im going to think abotu at wrk today is going to suck ass. ugh. idk its too much, like idk. just pissing me off like alot. it really dosent even matter. like right now its even talking over my brain. lets get it on track and just make it threw today. monday ill do it. you'd think i would know but i dont, and as things seem to get much better on one end other things take a big turn for the worse. its crazy how much thngs have changed but my attiduteds are still the same. i do miss being a kid, and i miss adventuring, lets just say i guess i miss last year. thats just how life goes i supose

everything will be alright, if you just stay the nihgt

i guess things never work out the way its planed.it seems like the closer i get the more i drift. its really all about perspective and that i won let myself get hurt and thats the reason i get home at 1:32 and write a blog. i started looking where i knew their were lingering dead things, but the truth is maybe i sis warp things. i never can know whats going on but what i do know is one thing for sure, it dosent matter anymore, any of it. it doesnt matter if you stay if you go, it dosent matter how i feel or whats going on, it just dosent. my feet smell like basement and wood chips and i cant say it was worth it. i know im drifting into the ulitamte unknown with this plan. i think i need to cry about this but the tears wont come out anymore. i try to tell people things but then really thry dont want to hear about it or just change the topic. the reason i have to quit safeway is becuase it makes me so incredibly depressed and it makes me not want to get up in the morning or come home at night. i wish sometimes someone could be their for me, but its true we only have one person and its you. i dont know how many times i need to realize this before it gets to be an real real thing. i wonder when i can ever find real happyness or im ive just sort of aceppted being alone. i dont let it out anymore, because really it makes life easyer. my mouth is dry from too much sugar and i need to go back to the depressant in the morning. its just like what did i expect. a hug? an its been a while? a would you _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. i guess i did or maybe even _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. i wonder if taking them this time would help or if it would make me less sad all the time. ive just lost yet again. i really wish i could fucking cry becuaase then maybe it would mean it could be over. i also listened to this other song today that i couldnt listen to for certian reasons and it was good, i wonder if that smile that comes out is real happy or just slight becuase i fel like a fcking retard if im not happy around all of you. i just dnt know how you think that wouldnt hurt me? whatever its just anohter shot. i guess ill ust take it untill i cant anymore and ill blow up, because gettting over that was so hard, and i dont know if i could ever go threw that again. i coudnt.

i took the 405 and i t lead me to an alcholic summer

my feet feel like they want to eat my whole body, thats what happens when they get no rest. so it also tunrs outi plled the tendon in my thumb which was goos times at work today. im listening to death cab and finaly just like realxing. i think its nice. no baseballl till sunday work at 2 tomorow. idk things seem ok. its hard not to do those things in my head, but really its worth it not to. i finally got some laundry done and im so happy about it. so ive got this ht tensor bandage on till i go to the clinic later or in the morning, whichever, and of course was pay day so yeah. i should probaby pick up the stubs sometime soon, i was thinking today of quitting right after sasquach and it seems like a good idea. i hate working thir all the time, i dont know if i can ast much longer if i do, so tomorow is the 2nd so if i jut say i cant work after the 24th it will work out nicly, and i can lok for anohter job for the beginning of july, and so what if i dont right away, meh ts only life. or atleast a stupid job anyways.