alone now with my thoughts

i guess i havent taken any time to write here, or anything worthwhile, i do miss my blog that no one read, or secretly just did and i petended as if they didnt. i hope nothing else happens to my car tonight. it looks like ill be playing baseball against chatelle, interesting. i really do wish i were sleeping, the last two days has gone so fast and im almost done unpacking. ive got alot to do tomorow. i just wish it were easier. i cant sleep and i want water. it turns out beer and ginger ail is good together who would have known if me and christina and corey hadnet have tryied it out. im just glad the whole moving heavy stuff is all done, and all it cost me was 178 bucks and a case of beer.

fucking fuck fuck

so much for my budget

i fucking have no words, and I'm madder than i seem. its going to be super sweet trying to drive to school on the freeway. fuckers. they got both of us. mines worse but still, 300 dollars i have right now but thats almost like working for a month or a month's worth of rent. i fucking love my life.

you could be happy

new house, new smell, new boxes, same stuff.

todays been long and i haven't even gotten half way yet. oh and i forgot i was dealing with the two latest people ive ever met.

i love the rain but not today, and its cold. i cant find anything im lookig for and i dont know what is in which box for sure.

i guess thats just life.

my face has issues ok i see them i want them to be gone. ugh


sometimes its just easyier to write nothing at all then the things that mean something, maybe soon

its finally good. you know when you hit the bottom. i guess the bottom is shaped like a bag because im slipping back up. things here are almost done but i forgot to take the trash out again. im a bad person i guess for that. i like my gummy packets

. . . not pleased, thanks for putting all your effort in though, i totally appreciate it

in case

you wanted to know miss Iowa took the crown. i feel a lot of things, and my room seems very strange. maybe i wont have to plan. and i finally figured out what you meant a long time ago. oh well.

fifteen finalist's

im watching miss America how revolting. i feel blank after i gave you that call and i got that hello. ive just got to focus on moving anways. im glad michelle is gone, its nice. im thirsty.

i finished my sociology homework whoo, except the reading. i feel sick and tired. only i have to do stuff and work on painting!!!!! ugh i feel terribly ill


sleepy time

im so behind

At the Bottem of Everything

on the buss i could swear it was all a dream, it didn't happen to me.

How do i know.
How do i guess, why do i want this bad information. somehow i think I'm looking to you to be unhappy with me, but the full truth is don't know how i feel. or what i want.

i wish you'd answer me and understand.

depressing and lame, fucking great

switch around

switch, change, turn and your never going to make it. this is all impossible.

maybe i do need to focus less on the future and more on now. i just cant help but plan everything. im just going to take a shower try to just focus on the now guess

hotness

wow hes attractive.

Vaka

terrible person or evaluative thinker? i really am stuck in this werid vibe place. i need a few things. i think for the next few weeks i need to go back and do what i love. eventhough you mean alot to me i feel like ive lost something by doing this. ive found im less fun less adventurus, and is it just that im stressed and gorwing up and tired? or is it the fact that its you. no offenxe but i need stuff too and i cant keep doing everything you need, or want. its like if im going to shave my legs your going to shave your face. where is the effort? i need some. i need you to pull a big one out of the bag becuase its true i dont want to be anywhere but in your arms. but the other night you couldnt hear it in my voice or see it in my face. its almost like im searching for hurt. did you change me or did i change myself, becuase i dont want this to be over but i need something new. maybe its just the time or the weather but i want to go to the beach on friday and you can come if you want. ill be on the sand. some times i do just go to the beach. i know if i needd you and i was crying youd come but where were you.


i need you to want me love me and need me, and i think its time to become more separate
of people for now. no more schedule.


and if your juding me by reading this stop reading my blogs.

i saw you looking like i never thought

what is life without its problems. i need to buy gesso. and i need to fix my color chart, fucking hand mixed colours. i had this disscussion today about social services for over half an hour with a man who clames he can spend 10 dollars a week. must be nice, he says a job cost's him money in the long run to get their so its more than its worth, btu he also dosent belive in government funding like for poor people. that's why he can live on his freshly picked pecans. he can keep those for him self. i wish i could ive on ten dollars a week, but see lifes not that easy if you want to be sucessfull.

all i want to do is bang bang bang and take your money sometie

sometimes you do find the things that make your day

and find the people who make the effort to change your life.

lets get fucked up.

crumbling. stranded. waving. theirs no one to hear my silent cry's for help that are invisible to your naked eyes.

this world isnt kind to little things

i cant find the right thing to wear. ugh. that drive home this morning was horrible. i feel so sick its not cool and last night i felt so bad i couldnt even drive and my phone died im so glad i only have my wall charger but not at all. fuck. i can tell this day is going to be full of joy, and why cant i find any eye liner around. its so cold in this house open mouth . its like eating glass. im not in the mood to be asked questions by a professior. im also stressed out ill be at work alone, ok so i get their in 15 to 20 minutes then i go put my lunch away and then go to school, boy i am not stoaked.

im over it im over it im over it im over it. im over her

i just have to keep telling myself that

got to love life

dd

ok so apparently their is this guy who can put half his head in this womans vagina HALF>>>>>>? ok so i saw a photo. also its baller cold in here. and me and corey are moving to our new place as on January 31st bitchezzz. yeah no matter what you want you fuckers. not you guys my landlord/Michelle i wish she would like electrocute herself. fuck my life

my my my

blah to you is all i can say, and thanks for this wonderful new years call, but not really becuase you didnt. i sort of dont want to see you tomorow. joy.